Family chaos

Sometimes it's handy living 800 miles from family. I'm outside most of the he-said, she-said crap and we're all happy to see each other when I do get home.

But it can be worrisome and frustrating, as it is today. My stepfather, who's 91 and has advanced Alzheimer's disease, moved into a nursing home today. He's been waiting awhile, but he was pushed up the list because his condition has deteriorated in recent weeks. He has lost weight and complained of abdominal pain, and yesterday, he couldn't walk.

My mother cries a lot. For 36 years, she has sat next to him and watched the news at night and shouted at the TV screen. He usually nods and agrees. Bob is the laid back one in that relationship. He always laughed at my mother's impatience as she lost it over something trivial. His laughter usually brought her back to earth. I can remember him saying, "I'm about to get yelled at," when he spilled soup on himself once, and sure enough, my mother scolded him.

To my niece, Christina, he's Grandpa Bob. He doted on her when she was little and she paid him back by attending to his personal care as the Alzheimer's robbed him of his ability to care for himself.

"Oh, he can still feed himself," she told me last week. Turns out he can only eat with a spoon and he needs a little guidance with that.

People keep telling her he's 91 and has led a good life, and she knows that's true after losing her 33-year-old cousin in April. But it isn't a comfort. He's still her grandfather and she still adores him. It doesn't matter how old he is.

In the middle of all this, my niece from California showed up on my mother's doorstep. Nicole is almost 18. Her father (my brother) is serving a long prison sentence. She has wanted to come east and be with the extended family she barely remembers, but her mother wants to stay close to my brother. So Nicole came out on her own.

I don't know how she got there. I haven't had a chance to talk to her in all this chaos. I'll do that tomorrow. In the meantime, all I can do right now is be on the phone and have my sister assure me everything is under control