A different perspective

I had a long conversation with DJ's mom tonight. She had just come from the onerous task of getting him to clean his room.

"He's ADHD, isn't he?" I said.

"How could you tell?" she said.

I remember trying to get Michael's room clean. It was a real chore. Because he had such severe ADHD, we had to break everything down into manageable tasks. Small bites.

"Mike, please gather your dirty clothes and put them into a laundry basket."

After a couple minutes, I'd show up at the door and cheetrfully ask how it was going. Then we'd tackle another piece of it, like getting all the books together and putting them into the bookcase.

When Rob and I first got together, he couldn't understand why I was coddling Mike. His mother told him to clean his room and he did it. But he didn't have ADHD. He had the ability to stay on task and to tackle complex tasks. Kids with ADHD need a lot of help learning to do that. I still clean the house in an incredibly scattered way. I flit from task to task. I do what I see needs doing until something else catches my attention and then I work on that. Eventually it all gets done, but it isn't very efficient.

Thar's how DJ operates. I find it endearing because it's how Michael always was, and the way I am, although I wasn't diagnosed until I was in my 30s.

Kids with ADHD have a different perspecitive on the world. It's a little skewed, somewhat off-kilter. They often get teased by their peers because they don't do subtle, so social cues don't get through to them. Michael got a lot of that in school, as did I. Back then, teachers would allow kids to be cruel to the oddball. Not so much anymore, thank God.

The kids on my Sunday school class always treat DJ with respect.When he brings in a pile of photos he took during the week, they recognize his unique perspective and appreciate its artistry. Life is a little gentler on him than it was on Mike. Teachers would allow his classmates to make fun of him, call him names, even beat him up. In the end, Michael was the one with the gift. I see the same gift in DJ. Sure, kids with ADHD are a little more difficult to deal with, but they're so worth it. They have a unique perspective, and it's pretty cool to look at life through their eyes.

That card that DJ made for me when Michael died is probably my favorite. It said, "If you must cry, cry on my shoulder." What a beautiful sentiment. It's the sweet kind of thing Michael would have said.

His mom thought he might be difficult in Sunday school class. He's the life of the class. We all love his take on things.