"I'm not dead yet!"

We got Michael all settled in as I fielded calls from family members wanting to come to say goodbye. I have one rule: no blubbering and carrying on. He's not dead yet, after all. In fact, he and I have been re-enacting the "I'm not dead yet" scene from Monty Python's "In Search of the Holy Grail." It's what my older sister said as people paraded into her hospital room during the final week of her life.

Like Ellen, Michael wants to live his life until the end. He's ready to go when the time comes. He knows it will be soon. When I told Danny that, he said, "So, he's given up?"

It's not a matter of giving up; it's facing the inevitable, as each of us will do someday.

Peyton, who's just 15, doesn't really get it. I told her about Michael's plans for his memorial service, and she was upset that he would plan his own funeral. I told her I hope I get the chance to tell people how I want to be remembered. I told her a couple of funny stories about Michael and she had a couple of her own. That's how he wants to be remembered, not as a tragic fiugure.

Michael asked me to call people this afternoon to tell them the news. He wasn't up to hearing people's reactions. James came straight home from work and set up Michael's computer so it's compatible with my wireless router, then loaded it into my car. Janet came right over from work to help pack things up. She and James plan to come out this weekend.

His father cried, and I found myself resenting having to comfort him. I wanted to tell him that I have enough weight on my shoulders right now. But I comforted him anyway. I told him Michael's life has been a string of miracles. He almost died so many times; we've been lucky to have him for 33 years and we can't change what's happening now.

Danny will come early next week; Michael's favorite cousin Shannon, will come with her two kids, probably over the weekend; her brother, Stephen will come next week, as will Michael's father.

I've told everyone there will be no grieving in this house just yet. That's at Michael's request. It's his life and his death, and it will be his way.

He's not dead yet after all.