Ups and downs

It has been a rough couple of days. I was exhausted by the time I got home last night, but I couldn't sleep. Rob and I watched TV for awhile, then I popped in an original Star Trek episode, which usually cheers me -- especially since I can watch on my laptop. Ah, technology.

Christian called yesterday. It was so good to hear his voice. I told him how much trouble I had getting Memorial Health to call me back, and he offered to stand out in front of the hospital with me and call the TV stations to talk about how my son was so horribly neglected.

"I can get a whole bunch of friends," he said. "You don't have to do any of this alone."

I'd rather it not come to that. I still have faith that there are some good people in health care and that they will respond. We'll see. I do have a bg mouth, though, and so does Christian.

I finally turned out the light about 2 and cried for an hour or two before I fell asleep. I don't usually do that, but I just felt his absence so acutely.

I planted the cherry tree today and did a bunch of other gardening. It was a beautiful day, but I struggled to find the beauty in it. After supper we watched "Into the Wild," and it was an amazing movie, but the scenes at the end were so disturbing to me. It was a baaaaad choice for tonight. Way too soon to watch a vivid depiction of a young man dying.

James called tonight. He has turned Mike's room into a studio. That's good. I'm glad he didn't decide to leave the room the way it was. Shrines to Mike should be small, and whenever possible, funny.

We were at the garden center today and there was a gagoyle that reminded me of Mike when he was pouting. Its knees were drawn up to its chest and it had the same look Mike got as a teenager when he couldn't get his way. I bought it and put it in the front flower bed next to the steps so everyone will see it when they come in.

Tomorrow will be better. I'll teach Sunday school and the kids will make me feel more upbeat. I need a good laugh.

Danny and Jennifer and the kids are coming up next weekend for Mother's Day. We're going to see a baseball game and go out to eat and maybe get everybody to take a walk in the woods. It should be a great time.